Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Why my butt looks like a peanut butter cup

I have zero self control around Halloween candy. At least when you’re a little kid, you’re afraid of getting in trouble for gorging – but now, I have no one to answer to but my ever growing, Reese’s peanut butter cup ass.

Simon made out with a very decent haul this year. Rich took him and Partyboy through our neighborhood while I stayed home and gave out candy. We really didn’t get that many kids this year. We live at the end of a pretty long, dark street and only three houses at our end were handing out goodies. There was plenty of action up at the top, but I guess parents and kids didn’t feel it was worth it to walk all the way down for only three houses worth of loot. I still have an overflowing bowl leftover so the gluttony really has no boundaries at all this year.

Simon kindly sorted out his stash into three bowls: the largest and best for him, one for me and one for Rich. He gave us some of the crap he doesn’t like, but did throw in a generous amount of peanut butter cups and chocolate bars for each of us. He even gave me one of his precious Wunderbars which brought a little tear to my eye. Yes, I did raise him well after all.

I went a little overboard on Halloween this year. We let Simon have a costume party with ten kids last weekend. All ten we invited actually came. I guess everyone loves a good costume party. Simon wanted it in the evening so I had it from 5:30-7:30pm. It was a bit tough to get all of the tots into any kind of organized games. Some just didn’t want to play along; other rebels just broke all rules. Pin the tail on the cat and the statue game were the only ones that really worked out well. I have no idea why I didn’t expect this to happen, but they all ended up in Simon’s room at one point with every toy he owns all over the floor. I should have seen it coming. All in all, it worked out well and I think we’ll turn it into an annual event. Thanks to Trish and Mom who came to help Rich and I out because we were really way in over heads.

On Halloween day I took my very first ‘community day’ off at work and spent the entire day at Simon’s school. The Home and School Committee convert the gym into a haunted house with different activities and games. I spent the evening before setting up and the whole next day there manning booths and cleaning up. Simon was pleasantly surprised to see me. I got to eat lunch with him in his classroom where he showed me off to his friends. Most of the other parent volunteers only did one shift, whereas I, the inexperienced over eager idiot kindergarten Mom, decided to stay the entire day. I will not repeat this error again next year. I could barely walk home afterwards; I was completely burnt out and stank of schoolchildren.

The grade 6 children who helped us run the booths could be classified into two major groups. The good and the supremely evil. Some were so polite, thanked me for my volunteer time, asked me questions about my kid, complimented my costume, told me I was pretty and were happy to help out when we needed them. Others played hockey with our pumpkins smashing them to shreds, stole loot bags we had prepped for other classes, gave 15 prizes out to each of their friends, asked us for MONEY for their volunteer time and bitched that there was no candy or chocolate around. I was having it out with one of the grade 6 hoods who was bitting up Playdough and throwing it across the room at other kids. After thoroughly bitching him out for ten minutes, he asked me which class my little brother or sister was in at the school. I didn’t get it at first, but then I realized he thought I was a big sister versus a parent, at which point I instantly forgave him for his Playdough antics and slipped him a 20. Well maybe not the 20, but only because I didn’t have my purse on me.

So another Halloween is wrapped up and I can’t pass by the candy bowl without ingesting seven chocolate pieces at a time. A very special thank you to my neighbours for not handing out useless hard candies (Simon only got two) and too many grotesque gummy anatomy parts this year. My lumpy ass thanks you very, very much.